Conflicting Emotional Day

Those are the words for today.
Disclaimer: after reading this, you may never see me the same way again.

First, I put my foot in my mouth speaking very ill of someone I've been frustrated with. I used words that should never be taken lightly, and I didn't just speak them in front of my husband (where I feel safe, because he knows my heart and that sometimes my words don't match what's inside), but I spoke them in front of people I am beginning to get to know. I felt so ashamed of myself. I will never talk about someone like that again. It was so not like me!

Then I shared a part of myself with a very old (as in we are still young chickies, but we've been friends for a very long time) and dear friend that was very painful. It was bitter-sweet. One one hand it was painful and I was picking my kids up when the discussion was happening, and it was really hard not to cry while I stood in the halls of the school. But also on the other hand it was wonderful having someone I felt like I could talk to about it and she understood the tragedy of what I was telling her. That was so wonderful to have someone listen and understand. As amazing as my husband is, there are some things about me he just doesn't "get", or understand the magnitude of what I'm going through, or what I've been through.

Not more than an hour after that I found out one of our friends wife (who was also our friend) passed away last night, and that made me very sad. This couple were so instrumental in our lives when I was coming back to church and Joel was a new member. I loved them so much when we were in the same ward. The last time I saw Janna was at Time Out for Women two springs ago. She looked great and happy. I am sad she is gone.

Speaking of my amazing husband.... he has been searching all week for his crazy wife's grape flavored water. He is so sweet. For years I hated water because of a house we lived in that had horrible water. I have something wrong with me where I can't accept new things very easily. The secret is out. I'm crazy. We all have something crazy with us. This is mine. I can't use our plastic plates, but I can use the same kind at my mother-in-laws. I hate using plastic cups, but I drink out of plastic bottles every day. I can't use new silverware until they've been in the house for a year or two. I'm crazy. I know. Anyway, for years I only drank sodas or juices. I could drink water at restaurants. I finally found a water that was flavored in a flavor I liked, that didn't have sugar or calories in it. It took a long time to get myself used to it. First I could only drink it if it had been frozen first, and then I drank as it melted. Eventually I got myself to where I could drink it warm or cold. But for the last few weeks it's been harder and harder to find in stores. He has been searching high and low and never forgets to look. How can I not love a man that does something like that for his crazy wife?! I told him that I loved him for that and he was the best, to which he started sending me lots of crazy faces on my phone. I wondered if that was his way of flirting with me, to which he said he was trying to find the blushing face. Turning my tears of gratitude to chuckles of happiness.

And then a friend posted these words on his Facebook page:
This time of year stirs so many memories for me. I traveled some backroads on the way to Tousley Ford today and saw some places I had not intended to see but which stirred that many more memories. My eyes got a little funky as they sometimes do and I said to myself "Yes, you have lived a life.". Sometimes it's good to look back and see how far you've come and understand that everything that was hard to go through is what it took to get you where you are and to view those things with gratitude rather than regret, anger, remorse. Life is good, not easy... but good. Blessings in a really really good disguise. :-)

How do you sum up a day better than that?