Thankful heart

Sometimes it amazes me how one day I can feel so incomplete and separated from God and then the next day I can be given revelation about something I really needed an answer for. Sometimes, like this time, I didn't know I was needing that information until I got it.

Something has been bothering me about something someone did to me. For a long time, I've looked forward to a day when I can be free of the chain of pain I have felt wrapped in. But yesterday as I waited for my kids to get out of school I read an article, I Can Decide in February's Ensign magazine that put new light on what I was experiencing. I realized that I was waiting for a day when I could indulge myself in the bitterness I feel as I tried to remove that chain of pain.

 Indulge myself.

That struck me strongly. What a selfish thing I've been wanting!

I then realized that even if that day would come, the anticipated satisfaction would not be satisfying at all. And then I read this line... "I decided I would not become bitter. My heart was broken. But I would not allow this to damage my spirit." .... if this woman could do that, why can't I?

As I read her words that said,"I thought seriously of the covenants I had made and kept, and I felt a sweet spirit of comfort.... I received assurances that the Lord is aware of my life, my responsibilities, and my pain..."  I felt a sweet assurance that the same things applied to me. For a moment I felt light in my sorrow and complete and wished I could feel like that all day every day.  I felt closer to Him.

I am thankful that I have gained a stronger testimony that I can choose to not let these types of chains weigh me down and that I was able to feel the weight of them lift from me for that moment. It's going to take a conscious effort on my behalf to shrug them off until they stay off completely, but it is my choice to invite the Lord to heal me.