April 25, 2012

I can't figure out how to get the date to show on my posts. I have the settings in posts to post it, but for some reason, they aren't! Sometimes technology can be frustrating. For now I think I will title my posts the date I make them.

Most of today was great. The weather was gorgeous. I am starting to feel myself again. I worked on a pencil drawing at the park on Rum River while I waited for the kids. After we came home I worked on clearing sod off the garden plot. We have been moving it to the deep ruts in the driveway to fill them in. So far it's working great. Joel started it last week. I love driving around the property on our little tractor, wheeeee! I tried to start the charcoal in the grill for some pork chops I have been marinading, but when I checked on it later it wasn't lit. I tried to have Josh make German Pancakes so I could shower, but he had a hard time mixing the batter, so they didn't turn out so good. But we did have strawberry revel ice cream for dessert so it's all good again.

Tomorrow Joyanna is in a play that the first grade is putting on. The play is called "Go Fish". She will be a seahorse and even has a line! I made her a costume. I'm excited to see their play. Unfortunately I will be stinky like the grill and the onion rings I had planned on cooking tonight. I will have to sit between my in-laws and husband so that someone will sit by me.

I'm excited for the weekend. I will be done with my job and can focus my attention on my home, schoolwork, garden and children. Too bad Joel will be working too much to enjoy it with us. He will be working a lot of overtime hours in the coming weeks. But that is good for our family right now. We need it.

 This weekend we are also invited to dinner at another family's home. They have a few kids, and a boy Josh's age, they told us that they'd been praying for a family with their son's age to move in. The dad is our new veterinarian and in the bishopric and the mom is amazingly talented artist, teacher and pianist! I'm looking forward to getting to know their family better. 

In the meantime I am very much enjoying seeing all of the baby animals around the countryside. We have a neighbor that has five little paint foals, born in the last couple of weeks, and they are so little and so super cute! It reminds me of when I was a kid, watching the neighborhood for all the new little baby horses. I can't wait until we can have our own! But that is a way down the road, far in the future. But I'm so glad I have neighbors that are having them :)

Tender Mercies

Last night Jake called to ask his dad to bring him another book in the series of Tennis Shoes Among the Nephites. Josh has been reading it now too, and he told me that he also is reading it. This was a blessing to me because it let me know that he isn't spending all his free time hanging out with friends and wasting time. <3 I'm so thankful to know this.

Also last night I talked to my doctor's office and they called me in another month of happy pills. I'm so relieved. I don't ever want to go back to how I felt before.

I haven't cried (for no reason) for over a year. You see, I've had some happy pills that have made me very relaxed and unemotional, and it's been heaven. Really heaven. I haven't wished for horrible things to happen to me. I haven't crazily hated someone from some minuscule thing they've done. I haven't been judgemental of anyone. It's been so nice.

But now I'm out of my happy pills, and my doctor is over 60 miles away, and she only gave me one month supply the last time I called, and the bill for my last visit went to collections because I didn't have money to pay for it. I just got it paid, 10 months late.

It's been a week, and I'm emotional. Actually I was very emotional Sunday during sacrament, more than the usual testimony meeting emotional. I needed tissues. I haven't needed tissues in sacrament for a long time. A year maybe.

Today I sat in the cafeteria at school and across the room was a young man that reminded me of Jacob. I feel like crying. I miss that kid so much. I feel so out of touch with him. I hate that. He'd been my sidekick, my partner in crime, my best friend (besides Joel) for 18 years.  I feel like I'm missing a limb.  I worry that he won't go on his mission. I worry that he doesn't want to and he just says he does because he knows we want him to. I keep checking with him, asking him if he wants to go. He says he does. But he's very slow doing anything to get ready for it. He isn't saving much. He isn't getting his records transferred to the singles ward. He isn't going to temple prep classes, or making arrangements with his job so he can stay three hours at church. He has been annoyed when I ask him about getting his patriarchal blessing saying he will do it before his mission.

 All of this is making me emotional, and I don't know if it's because of my lack of happy pills or because I'm really concerned about him. Either way, this is the first time I've felt like having a good cry in over a year.

Good for my soul

Today Joel and I walked around the property and planned for our future. We decided where we will dig up for a garden on Saturday. I have started our plants and they are growing beautifully! Some will have to be directly sewn, but many that will take near 100 days to mature were put into growing pots a couple of weeks ago. We decided where the future corral and shelter for the horses and hay will go. We decided where we will be planting the fruit trees that we picked up. We also decided where to put the pool :)  Tonight he is going to his mom's to pick up my clotheslines poles. I can't wait to have some crisp clothes and sheets dried by the sun and the wind! While we were out we listened to a woodpecker peck at something metal. We finally found the silly little bird sitting on one of the rail road lights, just pecking away to his heart's content! I think he might have brain damage, ha! I saw my neighbor yesterday plowing the fields. It was fun to watch the tractor plowing back and forth and raising and dropping his spades. This Friday and Saturday I have to work in the flower beds and move a bunch of hostas and lilies. I love where we live! I feel so happy here. It's good for my soul.


I was going to put in my notice this week to quit my job, but then Joel told me to wait while he makes some changes at work. We figured that we've been losing money with my new job. I need to quit, but it's so hard for me. I really love this job! I love the people I work with! I love the experiences I'm getting. But the reason for the job at this time was to hang onto this house and keep us going in our dream, and if that's not happening I have to make hard choices. I will know more next week on what I have to do.
 

Some stuff from lately

It's freezing down here in the basement so I am going to post these quick and then get back upstairs to warmth!

A few weeks ago we woke up to a beautiful hoar frost. I was able to get some fun pictures. While I was out there a train went by the property behind us and I couldn't resist a train shot. I actually love living next to the train tracks.

If you want to see them better, I belive you can click on them.

This is my conte crayon drawing of a still life that our teacher set up. I have never used conte crayons before, so this was a fun treat! We only had four colors to use (black, white, brown and a light orangish color), and it was a challenge to portray the still life using only those four colors, especially since the cloth in the back was actually a hot pink!

I took this while leaving the church one night, luckily I had my camera with me for a shot!

Now I need to go upstairs and thaw out!