The Horns of a Delema

Oh man, I can't believe I am going to let this leave my fingertipss, but here it is.....

I am rethinking my choice of schools, which also affects my choice of careers!

Ahhhh!

This was not supposed to happen!

I have so many interests, it was extremely difficult to pin down the one choice I had made and stick to it. Now that I have done that, I am finding that maybe the school I have chosen maybe not the right school for me. I can't even tell my best friends this in person. (I don't ever want to come off to anyone as seeming wishy-washy. I have image issues with that).

 I don't, however, have that particular image issue with my husband. I had spent some time this afternoon searching the internet to see what it said I should do when I say, "How do I find out what I want to be when I grow up?!" Their advice was to ask other people that know me well what they think I would be good at. So I asked Hubby what he thought I would be good at. Hubby couldn't name anything off hand. In a little way that hurts. (I do have issues with thinking that he doesn't think very highly of me or my intelligence or skills. This was one time that makes me feel that my concerns might not be invalid.) He left for work telling me that if teaching SPED is what I want to do, then I should keep going with it. I told him, I do want to be a SPED teacher, but I am having some serious doubts about the school I've chosen.

There are quite a few reasons why I am doubting this school, two of the biggest reasons are:

1) I have taken quite a few online classes before, and have come through them pretty unscathed. I didn't have a problem understanding the directions or what was expected of me. Those were college classes. Now that I've taken two classes from the University, I have had quite the different experience both times! Both classes had teachers that were difficult to understand. These two teachers were completely confusing, didn't stick to the original syllabus very well, wrote very confusing directions for assignments, and were not easy to get ahold of.

2) The one person, the key bearer to all those who wish to be endowed with a teaching licence in SPED from this University, is a woman named Sue. Sue was the teacher for the class I took this semester. She is also the woman I have had to meet with a few times and she has confused me in those meetings too! She talks about things to people who are new to this like we know everything and I felt really dumb asking her to break it all down because there is so much I wasn't getting. I did try to ask questions that would get me the answers I needed, but she also dumped a ton of information on me all at once. While she talked she also typed things on her computer screen (apparently it was a chart she was sending to me) but I coulnd't see what she was looking at because she had a crappy screen. So she would talk about this one class, point at it, highlight it, and I would have to strain to try to see it and make sense of what she was telling me. Sue is also extremely busy and very hard to get to agree for in-person meetings. In my last class at the college there were several students complaining about her lack of response and availability to students needing meetings with her to plan their course schedule.

I'm feeling really discouraged and nervous about staying with this choice. So today I visited the Department of Education and found where they have a link to all of the Universities that have teaching licensure programs. I don't have many options.

I don't have many options.

I'm still just trying to let that sink in....

That means, if I choose another school, I probably have to choose another career.

I don't know what that would be!

What's that sound?

Oh yes! It's little peeps that are alive! Yes, it's spring here in Minnesota and I couldn't resist getting a head start on the bug control by raising my very own little ecologically friendly bug management system.
This is the first day we brought them home... The ducks were almost the same size as the chicks.

This is one week after we brought them home. The chicks are getting lots of wing feathers and have started to get tail feathers. The ducks are growing at an enormous rate!

 

 Especially one of them! The bigger one is almost twice the weight as the other one. Their personalities are much different as well.  The smaller one is more quiet and docile and the bigger one is more outgoing, curious and extroverted.  The bigger one eats from my hand, where the smaller one doesn't want to so much.

No names yet, we are waiting to see what sex they are. Suggestions?

Joshua Playing the Viola

 

The Can-Can and Indian Lament

Josh wanted me to mention that my phone makes it sound crappy and that his viola sounds much more pretty than on this video :) He's right.

Joshua Playing the Sax

It came!!

And it's waiting on the fridge for Jake to come home from work, grandma to come up, and the family to gather around for the grand opening! Eeeek! I can hardly stand the suspense!

Worlds Worst Waiter

That's me.

I HATE waiting for things. I'm so bad at it. I start getting knots in my tummy and anxiety attacks.
We are still waiting for Jacob's mission call to come. Wish I had read earlier that the calls don't get mailed until Tuesday. I've been checking the mail since Tuesday, and getting farther and father into the anxiety hole. I could have saved myself a lot of stress. I think Joel is feeling it too. Last night he dreamed that Jake was called to Texas. That would make me happy♥♥♥!

I have started the kids in 4H. We are not sure what all they will be doing. It's a bit different from when I was in it. I have signed them up for Robotics (but then found out the club's schedule won't work for me), vegetable gardening (I am hoping this years garden is so much better than last!), and shooting sports and wildlife. Joy is just signed up for Cloverbuds.

Tonight we saw deer in the woods behind our house. Two little young ones that Joel said were from last year.  I have seen them wandering around with a larger doe. Then when Joel left for work he saw seven deer in the swampy area on our property. COOL! I love love love living here!!!

This last weekend we went to a baptism for a boy who is the son of one of my childhood friends. That was so cool. Almost as cool as it was when his mom spoke at Joy's baptism. I find it fun sometimes how life goes around in circles like this. I'm so thankful to be a strong member in church again, as well as she is, and having our families be friends with each other. Her kids and my kids play so awesomely together.

After the baptism we took the kids to see a play based on the books byDoreen Cronin and Hary Bliss called Diary of a Worm, a spider and a fly. It was awesome! The kids and us adults loved it. Super fun. Afterward Joy took her playbill and had the actors sign it. What was so fun is that they signed it as their character, for example "Fly Girl", "Worm", etc.  That was awesome.

Hoping we get a big envelope in the mail sometime soon!

Thankful heart

Sometimes it amazes me how one day I can feel so incomplete and separated from God and then the next day I can be given revelation about something I really needed an answer for. Sometimes, like this time, I didn't know I was needing that information until I got it.

Something has been bothering me about something someone did to me. For a long time, I've looked forward to a day when I can be free of the chain of pain I have felt wrapped in. But yesterday as I waited for my kids to get out of school I read an article, I Can Decide in February's Ensign magazine that put new light on what I was experiencing. I realized that I was waiting for a day when I could indulge myself in the bitterness I feel as I tried to remove that chain of pain.

 Indulge myself.

That struck me strongly. What a selfish thing I've been wanting!

I then realized that even if that day would come, the anticipated satisfaction would not be satisfying at all. And then I read this line... "I decided I would not become bitter. My heart was broken. But I would not allow this to damage my spirit." .... if this woman could do that, why can't I?

As I read her words that said,"I thought seriously of the covenants I had made and kept, and I felt a sweet spirit of comfort.... I received assurances that the Lord is aware of my life, my responsibilities, and my pain..."  I felt a sweet assurance that the same things applied to me. For a moment I felt light in my sorrow and complete and wished I could feel like that all day every day.  I felt closer to Him.

I am thankful that I have gained a stronger testimony that I can choose to not let these types of chains weigh me down and that I was able to feel the weight of them lift from me for that moment. It's going to take a conscious effort on my behalf to shrug them off until they stay off completely, but it is my choice to invite the Lord to heal me.

Happenings and a Recipe

My new semester started last Monday. I am taking the last class I needed for my associates, which is Math for Elementary Teachers, and also a class for my Bachelors which is Strategies for Teaching Learners with Special Needs. I'm hoping that I won't be spending hours every day studying, but also that this leaves me more time to really absorb these classes and learn from them in a way I will be able to retain the information. I have felt like in the past that my classes have been so crammed that I remember what I need for my tests, but then it's all gone the next day to be remembered no more.
These classes are more meaningful to my career and contain valuable information that I need to be a great teacher.

On Saturday we took Duke to see if he might fit in at Monique's home. I am kind of feeling sad about it, which I didn't really expect, because he wasn't fitting in very well here. I feel bad for him because he's such a sweet submissive thing, and it apparently has been a hard couple of days for him. I was hoping that he would be playful with their dog Molly and be a good companion for her. He loves to be outside, and our Buddy is nearly naked and hates being out in the cold. So every day Duke is whining to go outside, and Buddy looks at me like I'm certifiable thinking he would go out in that cold. It's sad to make Duke go out alone, or force Buddy out into the cold unprotected, and annoying trying to ignore the whining to go out (I will never get a Husky).  He's also been marking territory in the house since the cat came, and I wasn't attached to him enough to spend the money on having him neutered before trying to find another home for him. If he doesn't work out at their home I will take him back and see if neutering will stop the marking, and I will also put him through boot camp again for not marking in the house. I'm just going to have to make the time for it, before I give up on him.  I don't want to give up on him because he really is a good dog, even if he's not fitting in with our home and "family members" (aka. other dog and cat).

We are experiencing major cold weather this week! Yesterday our outside weather station said the high was -5 degrees, the kids went out to play at that time (windchill was -14 degrees) and they stayed out for over 30 minutes! Crazy kids. Last night our wind chills were near -40 degrees. YIKES! I am trying to stay out of it and in the warm.

Yesterday I taught Joshua how to make homemade bread. I used this video to learn to make it, and then I taught him. He did an excellent job! This picture is washed out, his bread ended up being a golden brown. It's almost all gone this morning!

 

 

I love teaching my kids things, and am so excited to have more time/energy to do this!

 

A couple of weeks ago my doctor put me on some muscle relaxers to take before bed time. I had been having headaches every morning and was having pain in my neck. For some reason I felt like the two were connected. So my last visit I told my doctor this, thinking she was going to think I was crazy, but she listened to me and prescribed me some meds and also referred me for physical therapy. Ever since I started taking the meds I have woken up in the morning with a clear head and feeling alert and rested. It's been so AMAZING! I haven't felt this way in YEARS!!! I'm sure my clenching teeth and stressing while sleeping has been keeping me from getting the rest I need. I wish she'd let me take these meds forever, because I don't think that the exercises I am learning in physical therapy is going to help my sleeping situation. 

 

Jacob is almost ready to submit his papers for his mission. He just needs to scan his driver's license and upload it to the church website. I am nervous and so excited for him. It's scary thinking about sending such a great kid out into the world, possibly to another country (and hoping it's not a country that hates Americans) and trusting that he will be okay. This is possibly the most faith testing experience that I have ever had in my entire life.  I really have to put everything into the hands of the Lord and trust that He will take care of my child and that no matter what happens, it really all will be okay in the very end. And I have to trust that my testimony is strong enough to sacrifice my child for the blessing of other's lives.  This feels so BIG to me.

 

If you are looking for a good recipe to try, we tried these, this week, and everyone loved them! Click on them to be directed to the recipes.

 

Chicken Cordon Bleu - I used chicken tenderloins, so the layer of chicken was thin, and we liked it that way.

 

and for the side...

 

Twice Baked Potato Casserole  - For this one, I lightly coated the potatoes with butter before baking. I think next time I will add the sour cream and the chopped green onions after baking because the sour cream kind of curdled up in the oven and it tasted okay, but didn't look appealing.

I made a hat!

And the girls are fighting over it, so I have to go make another one...

 

SKOL VIKINGS!!!!

Making some progress!

I'm already making some progress on my new year goals! Through Craigslist I found an awesome craft/cutting table, with a cutting mat that fit it, for an awesome price. I also scored an awesome drop leaf table for my sewing machine. I'm super uber excited! I do need some new lighting for my sewing area, and Joel suggested I buy floor lamps because I will be moving the sewing area after we get Jake out on his mission. I plan to take over his corner of the basement near the bathroom. Both areas, the one I'm in now, and Jake's area, are sorely lacking in adequate lighting after the sun goes down. During the day the basement is mostly all very sunny and bright.

I've also made a list of all the herbs I use in alphabetical order, but I am still trying to decide on a system to use for storing them. I'm leaning towards canning jars, especially for the ones I buy in large bulk or grow and dry myself.

Joel and I took a drive down by the Temple yesterday because our local LDS bookstore is closing up shop and is selling everything. We picked up two VERY nice and sturdy bookshelves for a great price. That is also where my sewing table came from. We are very sad that nobody bought the store and that it is closing. It has been such a blessing to be able to browse the LDS selections of music, jewelery, art, books, lesson manuals, etc. in person. It's not the same as buying online.

I don't know if I mentioned earlier but I earned one A (Astronomy) and two Bs (SPED 415, Abnormal Psychology) last semester. I am okay with those grades. I would have liked all As, but it was a really hard semester and I started out the semester with a new prescription that made my mind mushy, which made it really hard to study, learn, and even make an intelligent sentence. I thought my SPED grade was going to be a C, so I am ecstatic that it ended up as a B.... seriously thankful.

Tonight is home made chicken noodle soup, with homemade noodles :) yummy!