Worlds Worst Waiter

That's me.

I HATE waiting for things. I'm so bad at it. I start getting knots in my tummy and anxiety attacks.
We are still waiting for Jacob's mission call to come. Wish I had read earlier that the calls don't get mailed until Tuesday. I've been checking the mail since Tuesday, and getting farther and father into the anxiety hole. I could have saved myself a lot of stress. I think Joel is feeling it too. Last night he dreamed that Jake was called to Texas. That would make me happy♥♥♥!

I have started the kids in 4H. We are not sure what all they will be doing. It's a bit different from when I was in it. I have signed them up for Robotics (but then found out the club's schedule won't work for me), vegetable gardening (I am hoping this years garden is so much better than last!), and shooting sports and wildlife. Joy is just signed up for Cloverbuds.

Tonight we saw deer in the woods behind our house. Two little young ones that Joel said were from last year.  I have seen them wandering around with a larger doe. Then when Joel left for work he saw seven deer in the swampy area on our property. COOL! I love love love living here!!!

This last weekend we went to a baptism for a boy who is the son of one of my childhood friends. That was so cool. Almost as cool as it was when his mom spoke at Joy's baptism. I find it fun sometimes how life goes around in circles like this. I'm so thankful to be a strong member in church again, as well as she is, and having our families be friends with each other. Her kids and my kids play so awesomely together.

After the baptism we took the kids to see a play based on the books byDoreen Cronin and Hary Bliss called Diary of a Worm, a spider and a fly. It was awesome! The kids and us adults loved it. Super fun. Afterward Joy took her playbill and had the actors sign it. What was so fun is that they signed it as their character, for example "Fly Girl", "Worm", etc.  That was awesome.

Hoping we get a big envelope in the mail sometime soon!

Thankful heart

Sometimes it amazes me how one day I can feel so incomplete and separated from God and then the next day I can be given revelation about something I really needed an answer for. Sometimes, like this time, I didn't know I was needing that information until I got it.

Something has been bothering me about something someone did to me. For a long time, I've looked forward to a day when I can be free of the chain of pain I have felt wrapped in. But yesterday as I waited for my kids to get out of school I read an article, I Can Decide in February's Ensign magazine that put new light on what I was experiencing. I realized that I was waiting for a day when I could indulge myself in the bitterness I feel as I tried to remove that chain of pain.

 Indulge myself.

That struck me strongly. What a selfish thing I've been wanting!

I then realized that even if that day would come, the anticipated satisfaction would not be satisfying at all. And then I read this line... "I decided I would not become bitter. My heart was broken. But I would not allow this to damage my spirit." .... if this woman could do that, why can't I?

As I read her words that said,"I thought seriously of the covenants I had made and kept, and I felt a sweet spirit of comfort.... I received assurances that the Lord is aware of my life, my responsibilities, and my pain..."  I felt a sweet assurance that the same things applied to me. For a moment I felt light in my sorrow and complete and wished I could feel like that all day every day.  I felt closer to Him.

I am thankful that I have gained a stronger testimony that I can choose to not let these types of chains weigh me down and that I was able to feel the weight of them lift from me for that moment. It's going to take a conscious effort on my behalf to shrug them off until they stay off completely, but it is my choice to invite the Lord to heal me.

Happenings and a Recipe

My new semester started last Monday. I am taking the last class I needed for my associates, which is Math for Elementary Teachers, and also a class for my Bachelors which is Strategies for Teaching Learners with Special Needs. I'm hoping that I won't be spending hours every day studying, but also that this leaves me more time to really absorb these classes and learn from them in a way I will be able to retain the information. I have felt like in the past that my classes have been so crammed that I remember what I need for my tests, but then it's all gone the next day to be remembered no more.
These classes are more meaningful to my career and contain valuable information that I need to be a great teacher.

On Saturday we took Duke to see if he might fit in at Monique's home. I am kind of feeling sad about it, which I didn't really expect, because he wasn't fitting in very well here. I feel bad for him because he's such a sweet submissive thing, and it apparently has been a hard couple of days for him. I was hoping that he would be playful with their dog Molly and be a good companion for her. He loves to be outside, and our Buddy is nearly naked and hates being out in the cold. So every day Duke is whining to go outside, and Buddy looks at me like I'm certifiable thinking he would go out in that cold. It's sad to make Duke go out alone, or force Buddy out into the cold unprotected, and annoying trying to ignore the whining to go out (I will never get a Husky).  He's also been marking territory in the house since the cat came, and I wasn't attached to him enough to spend the money on having him neutered before trying to find another home for him. If he doesn't work out at their home I will take him back and see if neutering will stop the marking, and I will also put him through boot camp again for not marking in the house. I'm just going to have to make the time for it, before I give up on him.  I don't want to give up on him because he really is a good dog, even if he's not fitting in with our home and "family members" (aka. other dog and cat).

We are experiencing major cold weather this week! Yesterday our outside weather station said the high was -5 degrees, the kids went out to play at that time (windchill was -14 degrees) and they stayed out for over 30 minutes! Crazy kids. Last night our wind chills were near -40 degrees. YIKES! I am trying to stay out of it and in the warm.

Yesterday I taught Joshua how to make homemade bread. I used this video to learn to make it, and then I taught him. He did an excellent job! This picture is washed out, his bread ended up being a golden brown. It's almost all gone this morning!

 

 

I love teaching my kids things, and am so excited to have more time/energy to do this!

 

A couple of weeks ago my doctor put me on some muscle relaxers to take before bed time. I had been having headaches every morning and was having pain in my neck. For some reason I felt like the two were connected. So my last visit I told my doctor this, thinking she was going to think I was crazy, but she listened to me and prescribed me some meds and also referred me for physical therapy. Ever since I started taking the meds I have woken up in the morning with a clear head and feeling alert and rested. It's been so AMAZING! I haven't felt this way in YEARS!!! I'm sure my clenching teeth and stressing while sleeping has been keeping me from getting the rest I need. I wish she'd let me take these meds forever, because I don't think that the exercises I am learning in physical therapy is going to help my sleeping situation. 

 

Jacob is almost ready to submit his papers for his mission. He just needs to scan his driver's license and upload it to the church website. I am nervous and so excited for him. It's scary thinking about sending such a great kid out into the world, possibly to another country (and hoping it's not a country that hates Americans) and trusting that he will be okay. This is possibly the most faith testing experience that I have ever had in my entire life.  I really have to put everything into the hands of the Lord and trust that He will take care of my child and that no matter what happens, it really all will be okay in the very end. And I have to trust that my testimony is strong enough to sacrifice my child for the blessing of other's lives.  This feels so BIG to me.

 

If you are looking for a good recipe to try, we tried these, this week, and everyone loved them! Click on them to be directed to the recipes.

 

Chicken Cordon Bleu - I used chicken tenderloins, so the layer of chicken was thin, and we liked it that way.

 

and for the side...

 

Twice Baked Potato Casserole  - For this one, I lightly coated the potatoes with butter before baking. I think next time I will add the sour cream and the chopped green onions after baking because the sour cream kind of curdled up in the oven and it tasted okay, but didn't look appealing.

I made a hat!

And the girls are fighting over it, so I have to go make another one...

 

SKOL VIKINGS!!!!

Making some progress!

I'm already making some progress on my new year goals! Through Craigslist I found an awesome craft/cutting table, with a cutting mat that fit it, for an awesome price. I also scored an awesome drop leaf table for my sewing machine. I'm super uber excited! I do need some new lighting for my sewing area, and Joel suggested I buy floor lamps because I will be moving the sewing area after we get Jake out on his mission. I plan to take over his corner of the basement near the bathroom. Both areas, the one I'm in now, and Jake's area, are sorely lacking in adequate lighting after the sun goes down. During the day the basement is mostly all very sunny and bright.

I've also made a list of all the herbs I use in alphabetical order, but I am still trying to decide on a system to use for storing them. I'm leaning towards canning jars, especially for the ones I buy in large bulk or grow and dry myself.

Joel and I took a drive down by the Temple yesterday because our local LDS bookstore is closing up shop and is selling everything. We picked up two VERY nice and sturdy bookshelves for a great price. That is also where my sewing table came from. We are very sad that nobody bought the store and that it is closing. It has been such a blessing to be able to browse the LDS selections of music, jewelery, art, books, lesson manuals, etc. in person. It's not the same as buying online.

I don't know if I mentioned earlier but I earned one A (Astronomy) and two Bs (SPED 415, Abnormal Psychology) last semester. I am okay with those grades. I would have liked all As, but it was a really hard semester and I started out the semester with a new prescription that made my mind mushy, which made it really hard to study, learn, and even make an intelligent sentence. I thought my SPED grade was going to be a C, so I am ecstatic that it ended up as a B.... seriously thankful.

Tonight is home made chicken noodle soup, with homemade noodles :) yummy!

A New Desk, and then some...

Today I had planned to drive down to Andover to pick up a large craft desk with fabric cutting mat that I found for a great price on Craigslist, but ran out of time, so I will do it tomorrow morning. But while I was in Cambridge I scored a major thing on my "Want List"! While I was leaving the bank I got a little tickle in my brain that told me to stop at the thrift store and when I went in I wasn't sure what I was looking for, so I started wandering around... looked at all the display cases that weren't for sale, and hating the owners for not letting me buy that really cool armoir that I would have snatched up in a heartbeat. I wandered around a little bit picking things up and putting them back down in random other spots.... I tell myself, "it creates job security for someone".

I turned a corner and .... "aaaaahhhhhhhhhh!" Angels started singing and a light shone down before me onto a very simple, yet very wanted, drafters table! And best yet, it was only $10!!! And if that wasn't enough for my speed-racing heart, I also had a coupon in my purse for $10 off my next purchase, SCORE!  I brought home this little beauty for only 67 cents. *happy dance!*

 

The kids were excited to try it out for me by doing their homework on it.  (I'm not sure why Jaeden has taken up wearing her hat all day long... might be because I keep the house at 65 degrees.)

I spent some time, tonight, tackling one of the things that has been driving me nuts... all of the cords in the junk drawer.  First I threw out the ones we don't use anymore. Then I bound the remaining ones up with rubber bands.

I love this little pot that I keep my rubber bands in. Jacob made it when he was little.I'm a sucker for pottery, and a sucker for organizing containers, and throw in my own kids work and I am happy as a clam!

Back to the cords... Ok, so the last dishwasher that died had a utensil basket that came apart into two pieces. Somehow it didn't get thrown out with the dishwasher and I ran into it the other day. I thought up a way to hang the baskets inside of my cupboard doors and ....

 Voila! 

Cords are out of the drawer, and organized so they don't tangle and best of all, they are out of the way!

Then I sat back and celebrated my brilliant mind with one of the peanut butter cookies that were left over from yesterday.  Yummy!

Happy New Year!!!

I am starting out the new year right! I'm having a pajama day! Woo hoo!  Well... until I have to take the kids to church tonight, then I have to shower and get dressed. But in the meantime I am in my pajamas and baking peanut butter cookies.  I feel like a queen.

Now that school is on break for me, my mind is going overload. It is so used to reading mass amounts of things and becoming tired from all the work it's been doing, but with nothing to focus on, it's been hard to contain. One night I stayed up until 3am watching sewing, baking, and gardening videos. My mind is racing with all the things I have been wanting to do for the last year of living here, and I've done a few of them, but have so many more in mind!

Here are some of them:
1. Organize my spice shelves to be more uniform and easier to find what I need.
2. Set up a sewing area.
3. Set up a craft/art area.
4. Eye exam and new contacts.
5. Sew drapes.
6. Become more knowledgeable about gardening and grow a better garden this year.
7. Do more canning and herb drying.

What I have done in the last week....
1. Bought frames for several art pieces-
two of Joy's water paints, Jacob's fourth grade rendition of Grant Wood's American Gothic, and a charcoal he did of a Mexican pouring water that I named "Pedro".
Organized the Christmas decorations and got them all put back where they belong, and the rest into garbage or donation boxes.
Organized my kitchen with some shelving to get the water jugs off the floor.
Emptied two 25lb. bags of flour, and one 50lb. bag of sugar into gallon Ziploc bags.
Folded tons of laundry I was behind in.
Made homemade bread.
Cleaned and organized my laundry room.
Got my dresser and night stand organized and cleaned off, and got Joel to do his dresser and the top of the fridge, and also to settle on a filing system for his stuff.
I made three water colors I did with J O and Y for some pink frames I bought last year to decorate her room with.
Emptied my memory card from my camera to my laptop and played and displayed some pictures from that.
Got the cat spayed and her claws snipped so she can't use them.
Transplanted my Aloe plant to a new container hoping the leaves will make roots... we shall see!


Here's some pictures from last year! You can click on them to see  it in a larger version.

Winter Break!

Yesterday marked the end of last semester. YAY! I feel so much weight lifted off my shoulders. I knew I was stressed this last time around, but I didn't realize how much until the last couple of weeks when my neck was stiffening up, and it was triggering multiple migraines. I can't tell you how happy I am to be done with two of those classes!
I really enjoyed my astronomy class. It was super fun to learn about how we think the universe is made, what it's made of, what it weighs, how big it is, etc. It was neat to see so much of God's hand work in that class :) I loved it.
After my last test I visited the local thrift store and found so many cute things for my girls to wear. I also found a book set of the Little House on the Prairie. I'm so excited to start reading those to my kids in the evening, after we are done with a Christmas book we are working on (Thanks for the tradition Grandma Hill!). I also found some other fun things to add to my art supplies. I have big dreams for the basement corner Jacob is living in, as soon as he's gone I will start working on a craft/sewing corner, fun! The girls are super excited about that corner too!
Today my body has decided to let the cold I've been starving off take a hold of me. I'm glad it waited until I was done with school to make me feel icky. I've had so much going on in the last couple of weeks, it's been insane around here!
This morning I took the kitten in for her last shots. Tomorrow she goes back for a tendonectomy and to be spayed.  One of the men in our Branch Presidency is a veterinarian and has an office right down the road from our church house. He's been a good vet, and will do the procedure. Merry Christmas Mittens!
Today I am having a bowl of Campbell's chicken alphabet soup for brunch. I love this soup! It's the only kids soup that Campbell's makes with peas, carrots and corn. I think it's so yummy! My love might be purely nostalgic, however, because when I was young and sick I had it. I remember having it at my Grandma Chris' house when I was little too, so it's a comfort food for me as well. She would give me a couple of slices of bread to dip into my soup. I loved how that tasted. Today I have a couple of slices from a french loaf. After brunch, I'm planning on a nap. Naps are essential for my recovery ;)

Good Intentions.... again



I always start all of my projects off with good intentions.... it's just that sometimes things happen in life that get me side tracked. This blog is one of them. Motherhood is another of them. My schooling is another of them.

I've come to the realization that I have been throwing myself into my schooling much more than I should be, and because of that a few years have gone by without some very important things being done. Namely, being "Mom".  Unfortunately, I have put being a student ahead of the things I feel are important for me to do as a mother for my children.  Little things like being there for important events, putting more effort into their birthdays, putting more thought and efforts into our summer vacations, decorating my girls rooms to fit their personalities, teaching them all to sew and to garden and to be creative and crafty. I want to teach them all to cook and make meals for the family.  I've paid a price for convenience and given up a lot of things that were important for them to learn.

I haven't had any time to do things I enjoy, like sew, garden, grow things, paint, draw, write, photograph, read fun books. I seem to only have enough energy to throw myself 100% into one thing at a time.

So now, after my finals on Wednesday, I begin to try to figure out how to do things well, but not at 100%. I want to be a good student and get good grades. I want to study the scriptures for my own knowledge. I want to spend time creating things that are beautiful or useful. I want to be Mom, and be a good one.

Conflicting Emotional Day

Those are the words for today.
Disclaimer: after reading this, you may never see me the same way again.

First, I put my foot in my mouth speaking very ill of someone I've been frustrated with. I used words that should never be taken lightly, and I didn't just speak them in front of my husband (where I feel safe, because he knows my heart and that sometimes my words don't match what's inside), but I spoke them in front of people I am beginning to get to know. I felt so ashamed of myself. I will never talk about someone like that again. It was so not like me!

Then I shared a part of myself with a very old (as in we are still young chickies, but we've been friends for a very long time) and dear friend that was very painful. It was bitter-sweet. One one hand it was painful and I was picking my kids up when the discussion was happening, and it was really hard not to cry while I stood in the halls of the school. But also on the other hand it was wonderful having someone I felt like I could talk to about it and she understood the tragedy of what I was telling her. That was so wonderful to have someone listen and understand. As amazing as my husband is, there are some things about me he just doesn't "get", or understand the magnitude of what I'm going through, or what I've been through.

Not more than an hour after that I found out one of our friends wife (who was also our friend) passed away last night, and that made me very sad. This couple were so instrumental in our lives when I was coming back to church and Joel was a new member. I loved them so much when we were in the same ward. The last time I saw Janna was at Time Out for Women two springs ago. She looked great and happy. I am sad she is gone.

Speaking of my amazing husband.... he has been searching all week for his crazy wife's grape flavored water. He is so sweet. For years I hated water because of a house we lived in that had horrible water. I have something wrong with me where I can't accept new things very easily. The secret is out. I'm crazy. We all have something crazy with us. This is mine. I can't use our plastic plates, but I can use the same kind at my mother-in-laws. I hate using plastic cups, but I drink out of plastic bottles every day. I can't use new silverware until they've been in the house for a year or two. I'm crazy. I know. Anyway, for years I only drank sodas or juices. I could drink water at restaurants. I finally found a water that was flavored in a flavor I liked, that didn't have sugar or calories in it. It took a long time to get myself used to it. First I could only drink it if it had been frozen first, and then I drank as it melted. Eventually I got myself to where I could drink it warm or cold. But for the last few weeks it's been harder and harder to find in stores. He has been searching high and low and never forgets to look. How can I not love a man that does something like that for his crazy wife?! I told him that I loved him for that and he was the best, to which he started sending me lots of crazy faces on my phone. I wondered if that was his way of flirting with me, to which he said he was trying to find the blushing face. Turning my tears of gratitude to chuckles of happiness.

And then a friend posted these words on his Facebook page:
This time of year stirs so many memories for me. I traveled some backroads on the way to Tousley Ford today and saw some places I had not intended to see but which stirred that many more memories. My eyes got a little funky as they sometimes do and I said to myself "Yes, you have lived a life.". Sometimes it's good to look back and see how far you've come and understand that everything that was hard to go through is what it took to get you where you are and to view those things with gratitude rather than regret, anger, remorse. Life is good, not easy... but good. Blessings in a really really good disguise. :-)

How do you sum up a day better than that?