April 25, 2012

I can't figure out how to get the date to show on my posts. I have the settings in posts to post it, but for some reason, they aren't! Sometimes technology can be frustrating. For now I think I will title my posts the date I make them.

Most of today was great. The weather was gorgeous. I am starting to feel myself again. I worked on a pencil drawing at the park on Rum River while I waited for the kids. After we came home I worked on clearing sod off the garden plot. We have been moving it to the deep ruts in the driveway to fill them in. So far it's working great. Joel started it last week. I love driving around the property on our little tractor, wheeeee! I tried to start the charcoal in the grill for some pork chops I have been marinading, but when I checked on it later it wasn't lit. I tried to have Josh make German Pancakes so I could shower, but he had a hard time mixing the batter, so they didn't turn out so good. But we did have strawberry revel ice cream for dessert so it's all good again.

Tomorrow Joyanna is in a play that the first grade is putting on. The play is called "Go Fish". She will be a seahorse and even has a line! I made her a costume. I'm excited to see their play. Unfortunately I will be stinky like the grill and the onion rings I had planned on cooking tonight. I will have to sit between my in-laws and husband so that someone will sit by me.

I'm excited for the weekend. I will be done with my job and can focus my attention on my home, schoolwork, garden and children. Too bad Joel will be working too much to enjoy it with us. He will be working a lot of overtime hours in the coming weeks. But that is good for our family right now. We need it.

 This weekend we are also invited to dinner at another family's home. They have a few kids, and a boy Josh's age, they told us that they'd been praying for a family with their son's age to move in. The dad is our new veterinarian and in the bishopric and the mom is amazingly talented artist, teacher and pianist! I'm looking forward to getting to know their family better. 

In the meantime I am very much enjoying seeing all of the baby animals around the countryside. We have a neighbor that has five little paint foals, born in the last couple of weeks, and they are so little and so super cute! It reminds me of when I was a kid, watching the neighborhood for all the new little baby horses. I can't wait until we can have our own! But that is a way down the road, far in the future. But I'm so glad I have neighbors that are having them :)

Tender Mercies

Last night Jake called to ask his dad to bring him another book in the series of Tennis Shoes Among the Nephites. Josh has been reading it now too, and he told me that he also is reading it. This was a blessing to me because it let me know that he isn't spending all his free time hanging out with friends and wasting time. <3 I'm so thankful to know this.

Also last night I talked to my doctor's office and they called me in another month of happy pills. I'm so relieved. I don't ever want to go back to how I felt before.

I haven't cried (for no reason) for over a year. You see, I've had some happy pills that have made me very relaxed and unemotional, and it's been heaven. Really heaven. I haven't wished for horrible things to happen to me. I haven't crazily hated someone from some minuscule thing they've done. I haven't been judgemental of anyone. It's been so nice.

But now I'm out of my happy pills, and my doctor is over 60 miles away, and she only gave me one month supply the last time I called, and the bill for my last visit went to collections because I didn't have money to pay for it. I just got it paid, 10 months late.

It's been a week, and I'm emotional. Actually I was very emotional Sunday during sacrament, more than the usual testimony meeting emotional. I needed tissues. I haven't needed tissues in sacrament for a long time. A year maybe.

Today I sat in the cafeteria at school and across the room was a young man that reminded me of Jacob. I feel like crying. I miss that kid so much. I feel so out of touch with him. I hate that. He'd been my sidekick, my partner in crime, my best friend (besides Joel) for 18 years.  I feel like I'm missing a limb.  I worry that he won't go on his mission. I worry that he doesn't want to and he just says he does because he knows we want him to. I keep checking with him, asking him if he wants to go. He says he does. But he's very slow doing anything to get ready for it. He isn't saving much. He isn't getting his records transferred to the singles ward. He isn't going to temple prep classes, or making arrangements with his job so he can stay three hours at church. He has been annoyed when I ask him about getting his patriarchal blessing saying he will do it before his mission.

 All of this is making me emotional, and I don't know if it's because of my lack of happy pills or because I'm really concerned about him. Either way, this is the first time I've felt like having a good cry in over a year.

Good for my soul

Today Joel and I walked around the property and planned for our future. We decided where we will dig up for a garden on Saturday. I have started our plants and they are growing beautifully! Some will have to be directly sewn, but many that will take near 100 days to mature were put into growing pots a couple of weeks ago. We decided where the future corral and shelter for the horses and hay will go. We decided where we will be planting the fruit trees that we picked up. We also decided where to put the pool :)  Tonight he is going to his mom's to pick up my clotheslines poles. I can't wait to have some crisp clothes and sheets dried by the sun and the wind! While we were out we listened to a woodpecker peck at something metal. We finally found the silly little bird sitting on one of the rail road lights, just pecking away to his heart's content! I think he might have brain damage, ha! I saw my neighbor yesterday plowing the fields. It was fun to watch the tractor plowing back and forth and raising and dropping his spades. This Friday and Saturday I have to work in the flower beds and move a bunch of hostas and lilies. I love where we live! I feel so happy here. It's good for my soul.


I was going to put in my notice this week to quit my job, but then Joel told me to wait while he makes some changes at work. We figured that we've been losing money with my new job. I need to quit, but it's so hard for me. I really love this job! I love the people I work with! I love the experiences I'm getting. But the reason for the job at this time was to hang onto this house and keep us going in our dream, and if that's not happening I have to make hard choices. I will know more next week on what I have to do.
 

Some stuff from lately

It's freezing down here in the basement so I am going to post these quick and then get back upstairs to warmth!

A few weeks ago we woke up to a beautiful hoar frost. I was able to get some fun pictures. While I was out there a train went by the property behind us and I couldn't resist a train shot. I actually love living next to the train tracks.

If you want to see them better, I belive you can click on them.

This is my conte crayon drawing of a still life that our teacher set up. I have never used conte crayons before, so this was a fun treat! We only had four colors to use (black, white, brown and a light orangish color), and it was a challenge to portray the still life using only those four colors, especially since the cloth in the back was actually a hot pink!

I took this while leaving the church one night, luckily I had my camera with me for a shot!

Now I need to go upstairs and thaw out!

Gripes ahead... but there's a silver lining.

Math has put a big fat rain cloud over me today....
UGH! I feel like crud today. My left arm feels like it's almost been yanked off. The reason why? I carried my math book all around with me this weekend hoping for even small portions of time to study for a big exam I had on Monday. Did I find time? No. Did I pay for it? Yes. Did I pass my test? No. I got a 57%. YIKES! I haven't done that bad since... well, never in my college education.  It hurts. It hurts inside and I hurt outside. Note to self: when carrying something heavy, use both shoulders. If carrying a book at work, leave it in the car, you'll never even get to crack it open. I did stay for tutoring today and plan to work really hard to catch up and stay caught up. Thankfully I also found out that my grade only dropped to 81%, and I still have a homework to turn in, so I'm not in the C's yet!

And the weather isn't helping....
It's cold again. Not winter cold, but cold enough that I don't want to sit outside in it.

People are telling me to get my seeds going soon. I don't know what I want to plant! Joel was looking up renting a sod cutter this morning. I'm not sure what it's going to cost to rent. We want to start a big space this year. Even if we don't grow in all of it we can prepare some of it for next year with fertilizing and weed control.  I have a friend whose offered me her seeder with plates, sounds really interesting! Might make my job easier!

I also am getting anxious to get some flowers going and clean up my flower garden. I have some weed control to do there, and also on our stone steps and stone patio (if you can call it that, it's only maybe 6'x8') where Joel put up my new love swing. I'd love to sit out on that with my BB gun and wait for that rascally gopher to pop it's head out so I can.... well, you know.... keep my yard from looking like a mine field.

But there is a silver lining...
I am so thankful that it's conference weekend! I need the upliftment! I also invited a family that lives nearby for dinner after the last session on Sunday. They have bunch of kids that are close in age to ours, and they live really close. I'm excited to get to know people in our ward better.
Small world... the lady Joel and I HT and VT knows my nephew in Oregon! crazy small world.

This last weekend I had a wonderful weekend. I worked this weekend, and it was tournament time for the Special Olympics! I got to take two of our guys, to play basketball with their teams, down to St. Thomas in St. Paul. Their teams played so great! Although it was fun, it was a very exhausting and I came home early last night very worn out.
Today I had a math test that I was not very prepared for. I had hoped to have time at the tournament to study, but ended up not having any time for it. I tried to study this morning, but nothing on the test looked like what I studied this morning.
I am very disappointed. I wish that I had done better today. I am not sure if there is much I can do to correct the damage it is going to do to my grade.
Tomorrow I have an art project due. I am excited about how this image turned out. I will have to share a picture of it soon! I am really glad I took drawing and have this weekly outlet for my artistic side. I hope that he grades me ok on it, I know that he was wanting me to do more on it than I had time for, but I think it turned out pretty good.
I haven't seen Jacob very much in the last few weeks, I am excited that he promised me he would come up next weekend and spend Sun-Tuesday morning with me!
Also, this week we bought the kids a trampoline from a friend who is moving and doesn't want to take hers with them. We also got her pool, the kids are so excited about it! I hope this summer is going to be better than they thought it would, because they are really upset with me that I have to start at my new school this summer, even though I promised them I wouldn't last year. But then I didn't know we'd be moving to such a fun house!
Tonight the children were fighting and so I decided that we should get out our scriptures and read. I'm sad to report that we have not been very good at family scripture study since we've moved. But tonight as we read, I could feel the Spirit re-enter our home and the children have been playing with each other so well since then. I am so thankful for the changes that happen when we invite the Spirit into our lives.

On the horns of a delema

I have a big decision to make this week. I have taken classes the last couple of summers and it's made for a not so fun summer for my kids. I promised them no more classes in the summer again. They are holding me to it. But that was before I knew that the program I wanted to get my Bachelor through is a 6 semester program that requires summer classes. Most are online, only a few are on campus, but still, that means me doing homework while the kids entertain themselves. Not fun, and they are already crying about it.
So do I keep my word and drag my graduation out for a couple more years, which, may I remind you I am already a bit old to be starting this venture....
Or do I make the best of it I can and take the classes anyway and try to minimize the effect it has on our summer?
The answer is not an easy one to find.

The weather is so beautiful here this week! The weather people are saying we are a month ahead of schedule and that we should be able to be in our gardens a month ahead. That would be nice to have an extra month of growing season. YAY!

Starving Artist

I am loving my art class very much, it has given me a great outlet for my creativity, but it hasn't been enough. My next art project is Photorealism in pencil. I have to pick a photograph for the project. Looking through my images on my photography blog has got me missing my photography so much. I didn't know I'd miss my photography this much!  The other day I drove past a pond that has been half melted. In the open water sat several swans. I wish I'd had my camera! Hoping for some sun tomorrow so I can get a shot.  I need to figure out some way to feed my hunger.

Sisters

The best thing about having a sister is that you'll always have a
friend.

This is the second year in a row now that I have been a horrible sister to two of my wonderful sisters.

I remember that their birthdays are in February, and I even have cards ready to send to them, but somehow it slips my mind and then I end up missing their birthdays and feeling really crappy about it, because they are so awesome.

I was blessed with four sisters and one brother. Even though all of my sisters were born years before me and Dan, and were pretty much a different generation, they have always been interested in my life and being my friend. I am so lucky!

DeAnna- my first memories of DeAnna were when she was a new little mother living in Idaho. I remember visiting her with my parents, and once I remember being left there for a few days and then brought back down by DeAnna and her husband Terry. They had a little yellow beetle and I remember waiting until the moment we would turn the corner of their street and see the Volkswagen Beetle, my little brother and I would try to be the first to sock the other in the arm and yell, "SLUG BUG!"

DeAnna was always (and still is always) telling amusing stories, many of them poking fun of herself. I love that laughter and good humor are a big part of her life. She always seems so optimistic and looking at the sunny side of things. She also always had funny songs to sing to us. I remember her face she made when she sang, "Galumph Went the Little Green Frog", and her eyes would bat and bulge. Still makes me smile when I think about that. I remember singing funny songs all the way home back to Utah in that yellow Beetle.

Even now DeAnna is always keeping in touch with me. She sends me little notes on my blog, she reads my facebook sometimes, and she never forgets my birthday (how do you do it!?) even though it's so close to Christmas and easy to forget. She even prank texted me a few weeks ago when her and my other sisters got together for a silly evening. She offered to let my son live in her basement if he wanted to try BYU for a semester before his mission. I bet she's an amazing teacher, I'm so jealous of her students and would give anything if she could be my kid's teacher. I wish I lived closer to her. She has many talents. She made our wedding cake. She made a cabin by hand! She shows horses and is an amazing mom and grandmother.

Karen- my first memories of Karen is when she chased me into the basement and said something awful to me. Hahaha! Man, I was a little stinker and deserved it. I'm glad she loved me enough to chase me down. Karen and I have had some pretty close times. I have always wished I could be as pretty as her. She has so many talents too! Ever since I was little I remember being in awe of her artistic talents. She drew the best horses and painted the best pictures! "If I could have half the talent she has in one little finger"...seriously!

Karen was my roommate when I found out about sex from the neighbor's kid. Karen wasn't shy to clear things up for me and help me know what was right or wrong about that information. She saved mom the embarrassment of telling me, hee hee. Karen, I have two little girls I could use your help with! ;) Karen was amazing on the horses. I remember watching her ride Star and turning on a quarter. Somehow she made him look easy to ride, so much that I thought I could jump on him with just a halter and rope! Imagine my surprise when I landed next to the feed box! She always drove the funnest cars. I remember her taking Dan and me for rides in the back of a station wagon and letting us sliiiiiide across the back when she took corners. And her Camaro was so cool! She also has a rubber face. She is also full of good humor. I always thought it was amazing how she could turn her eyelids inside out, and swallow my socks and let me pull it out of her ear! I love her laugh.

Karen was the only one (I know of) who cared about how skinny I got when I was 13. I was 5 feet tall or so and 79 lbs. Karen was the one who cared enough to tell me, "people die when they get as thin as you." Karen cared when I came back to Utah after a horrific experience with a first fiancee. She talked to me and helped me know that things could be ok someday for me, when really I just wanted to die. She also noticed my talents and wanted us to write songs together. Too bad I have no musical ability, but she saw I could write. This last year she chose one of my photographs to turn into a painting! She painted the picture of my Joyanna riding her bike down the hill. I was SO TOUCHED when she sent me a canvased copy of the painting! It was even more beautiful in person than it was on the Internet! I put it right over my dresser so that every morning I can see this whimsical painting and smile with delight. I just LOVE it! She has no idea how much that painting means to me.

These are only two of my amazing sisters. I wish you could all know them. Everyone should be so lucky to have such amazing people in their lives.

DeAnna and Karen, I hope that you know I love you so very much and I am really sad about missing your birthdays, again. Please know you and your families are always in our prayers every night. Love you!